Losing my Balance

G-d I wish I was OCD sometimes, instead of ADHD.

I'm doing so well these days on most everything, except my weight. I can't seem to stop eating too much, at the wrong times, and the wrong foods. Work too, it has gotten hard again, I get bogged down, and can't move faster. It just takes me time, I'm slow. Not churning out enough product. That isn't it though, I can't physically send in work that is no good. I won't do it, I can't I've tried, but unless I'm late with it, I just can't let it go.

SO I built an excel spreadsheet, so I can track my work. I like building spreadsheets, but I don't like using them.  Is that weird? It's always like that. It's sort of the conundrum that I always face, that plagues me.
I see a therapist, that's okay, I was surprised to find out just how many people do. I've been going for the last couple of years I guess. He just came back from the group vacation every therapist seems to take in August (so I'm told). I asked him if they all got together to compare who had the wackier client. He said he didn't do that, but I saw the plague on the wall, "Second place most nutty client - two years running." Well at least I'm not the craziest, wait why am I not the craziest?.

I suppose the choice it is to see a therapist or actually get a friend I can talk to. I have friends, a few. but I can't actually tell them EVERYTHING.

Sure sure friends say you can, but then when you do, they always pitch a fit, or are judgmental.  I have a friend, female - not romantic or sexual - and she kept telling me how judgmental I am - and while I am judgmental so is everyone, besides which unless you are threatening my loved ones, I don't really care what you do, but I will form an opinion.

Well after 5 minutes of being told how judgmental I  am,  and how I need to be more accepting - I am really, don't go after my loved ones, and you can say and do what you want - I finally said "look, I listen to everyone who delights in telling me my flaws, but no one wants to hear that they have flaws." She said "See, you are judging instead of just listening."
Arrrggghhhhh  - does this happen to you?
So I asked if I could point out her flaws, that's important to do. Now she hadn't asked me if she could point out my flaws before she went off on me, but that's not important I guess. Anyway, she agreed, and I pointed out her most severe flaw (well the thing that bugs me most about her anyway) - her response:
"That is just not true, and I'm hanging up now, and you should think about how you talk to people."

Am I the only one this happens to?
Well, we've talked since, she no longer tells me how judgemental I am.

My Girls

The separation of their parents is hard on my daughters, as you would expect. It's been about a year now sine we told them. Sadie said "this is the worst day of my life", I told her "good", she wanted to know why, and I told her "I hope this is the worst day, because that means that every day from now on will be better than today" That seemed to help her. My daughter Abigail, she's doing so well. Friendly and joyous and yes she still has itchy skin, but she was with me for two weeks, and by the end of the second week, finally, finally the scratches on the inside of her elbow have healed and are almost gone, perhaps it was all the swimming in the salt water pool at her grandmother's/aunt's house. Also, only giving her the Claritan when she exhibited signs of allergies. I've dropped the Zyrtec, because it really seemed to make her much more irritable. Anyway - we were having Rosh Hashona Dinner, and I wanted my daughters Sadie and Abigail to try some new foods. Now when we go have dinner at someone elses house, my girls will pretty much try anything. Sadie even apologized to me because she is more food adventurous at other peoples houses. However with me, or family, they are very selective. I understand it, they are at home, they want to eat what THEY want. That's cool, I do understand, I was a picky eater myself. However we came up with a new way for trying food. I will put the food I want them to try on my plate, and they can try it off of my plate. They both tried Brisket, and the meatballs, and they ended up loving the meatballs. Some success at this dad thing.

Did I mention Sadie just burned through Animal Farm by George Orwell in three nights? She reads it, and she gets it. I think she reads too fast, but we talked, and I'm going to let her read how she wants to and not bother her about it. The Hobbit is next for her, already ordered - Sadie is about to enter second grade, I think she has started to eye her aunts law books.

The drum set came for Abigail. Hey, we were at a party and all these kids were banging on a drum set. When they finally left the room Abigail asked me to come with her. She sat down, picked up the sticks - I showered how to hold them (I took drums for a month when I was a kid) and she played. It was soft, and gentle, and in time. Not at all about making noise, or pounding, but just about playing and listening. I told her about the drum set, and promised that they are hers, just hers, and she can play with them, and when she WANTS lessons, I would arrange them. Sadie has her keyboard, and stagecoach (musical theater) on Saturdays. They've already begun to sing together, but I'm not sure the band will last, you ought to hear the artistic differences already.

Where did the summer go? So much more I wanted to do with them.  And why am I eating so damn much?

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