I think ADHD works in like this.
We have an idea, and it becomes written down in our brain.
Written like scratches in the sand, then the next moment arrives, and washes over the sand, beginning to erase what was scratched. The thought is carried out to sea, and we forget it ever existed, until we are reminded of the thought by a repetition of the circumstances that created it, or for some reason it comes drifting back to the beach, landing gently on the shore, only to have the process begin again.
There are those who say it is best to live in the moment, I've spent my life living in the moment, and what living in the moment lacks is context.
The other day I took my daughters out to dinner, we went to a pizza shop, and there was arguments between them. Over where the particular shop they wanted to eat was, and the name of it. When we went in, they both wanted me to sit next to them in the booth, so I had to pull up a chair to sit at the table edge.
Abigail wanted me to dance with her, I used to be that zany, and fun, we did, with her defining the dance steps and moves. Okay, I'm about encouraging freedom, right now Abigail seeks control of her world, her struggle is to exist in a world she is not in control of, it is a tough line to walk for anyone, with both parents or not, or divorced parents or not. Still I see progress all the time.
Sadie is telling jokes to the Pizza guy behind the counter. She has a great idea of what is funny, but she needs practice in telling the jokes. Figuring out the delivery, and how to shorten them. She often asks me for help there, and I'm careful to offer suggestions, if she asks. She is like me I think, she sees how great it is when there is funny in the air.
A little later Sadie joins in the dancing with Abigail and me. Abigail doesn't fight it, instead she makes room for Sadie, who after a little while dances to her own moves, but no yelling from Abigail.
They are really great sisters.
Then the confilct happens, someone comes into the pizza parlor with a dog, and my girls want to pet it. They have forgotten my rules, so I gently remind them. - You have to ask the dogs name from the "owner", ask if it is alright with the owner, and ask me as well. So the girls pet the dog, after fulfilling the requirements, but it is a smallish dog, and Sadie kind of blocks Abigail. Abigail tries to get Sadie's attention to so she can move over and let Abigail pet the dog, but this doesn't work. Suddenly Abigail is yelling at Sadie, and Sadie gets up and moves away, Abigail still yells, and then we have to leave. Abigial is upset she didn't get to pet the dog as much as she wanted.
Perfect. I get to DAD. I gently explain that we didn't have time anymore, that we were going to the park. She is upset, but stops short of saying it isn't fair. She blames Sadie, and I point out that after Sadie moved away, that Abigail kept yelling, instead of just petting the dog. This bit of information stuck.
My daughters are amazing, talented, beautiful, caring, empathic, and it is sad what they are going through, with their mother and I, but after their being exceptional, they are human just like you and I, and This sort of behavior happens to everyone. Someone says one thing, and we are upset, so we hear something else. Or we get upset over not getting what we want, and then when we actually get what we want, we are to angry to even notice, bent instead on convicting the person who we blame, and we miss out.
Abigail understood when I explained why we had to go, and that it wasn't because she got angry, it was just time to go, and her explosion cost her the time. Of course I did let her run back to pet the dog for a moment.
Then off to the park, kickball and Frisbee. The advantage of frisbee here was that I had two frisbees with me.
You learn, it takes a while, but sometimes the waves wash back the thoughts at just the right time.
